


our forever between blueberry trees

by kintou



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: ? - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cottagecore, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Oneshot, farmerstyleee, jeanmarco oneshot, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-14 03:55:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20594282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kintou/pseuds/kintou
Summary: Sick of the city and his homophobic parents, Jean moves away for a work-away on an idyllic farm. The problem is: he completely underestimated the work and almost everyone at the farm thinks he's just a spoiled city boy. Everyone except for Marco. Marco gives him a chance, working boots, and a little help.





	our forever between blueberry trees

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know anything about farming, I just love cottage core moods. Having to use farming terms really made me realize I never have to use those terms in English (I'm not native).
> 
> I still hope you'll enjoy this!

‘Marco!’ the landlord called out. Marco, the guy who apparently had to deal with me, had seemed like a nice enough guy. A bit of a pushover, he talked quite a bit. He was built. Had freckles all over his dark skin. He looked like he knew what he was doing working on a farm like this. Quite the opposite from me. That’s what pissed me off about him. ‘Marco, hurry.’ 

Said Marco came jogging from where the goats were, a big smile on his face, and reassured the boss that he was listening. ‘The new guy has some fucking issue..’ His accent was pretty thick. 

‘Blisters..’ I mumbled. 

The boss rolled his eyes. ‘Your shoes are trash. Did you not know where you were going when you packed?’ 

‘They’re sneakers.’ 

‘Those ain’t shoes to work on the land with-’

‘But-’ 

‘I don’t have time for this, make sure it gets fixed. Marco, you deal with _ city boy _.’ The landlord walked away, towards the house. He walked slow, because of an old injury. You wouldn’t know his weakness by talking to him, that was for sure. 

Marco walked up to me. 

I mumbled under my breath: ‘Am I _ city boy _now? Why the fuck do I even try.’ 

Marco chuckled, lead me to sit down on one of the steps. ‘You’ll get used to this place. Mr. Wilson will get used to you too. Don’t worry.’ 

He watched me as I pulled off my New Balance, smiled. 

‘I don’t think I’m made for this life.’ 

‘Everyone is.. You just have to find your way to get into it. I assume you’re not here without a reason.’ He sure as hell was right about that and he knew it. Luckily he didn’t ask about it. He took my feet and looked at my heel. The blisters were thick and swollen, a few more steps and they’d explode. ‘Alright. Nothing to be worried about. It must hurt some, but it’s nothing unique, don’t worry.’ 

‘Oh..’

‘What? Did you want it to be something special? Listen- eh- Jean. You don’t want to start this period off with feet that don’t work..’ He stood up again, walked towards something that seemed to be the first aid kit. ‘I know right now sitting down and never standing up seems like the best idea ever, but you’re stronger than that.’ He honestly believed that, with his tan and his big arms. He was crazy. He handed me band aids that were made specially for blisters, and smiled kindly. ‘You’re not going to be the _ city boy _for long, might as well enjoy it now.’ I don’t know what that meant, but I wanted to believe him. He stood up. ‘What chores do you have left?’ He asked me.

I looked up at him. ‘Finish up scooping the field over there,’ and that would take me at least two hours, still figuring out how,’ ‘feed the chicken and.. eh-’ 

‘Go feed the chicken, and do those other things first. Don’t tell Mister Wilson.’ 

Marco was like that. He smiled at me mischievously and then calmly walked off towards the field, probably doing this on top of everything else he needed to do. Yesterday, working with Ymir, I’d mainly gotten shit for complaining. But Marco tried to see where I was coming from.

He made me want to work harder. 

The band aids worked miracles. 

So I fed the chicken, picked some crops for dinner, fertilized some of the young trees and walked back to the house before dinnertime. As expected, Marco was still not there. With pain on my heels, I stumble towards the field where I should have been working. Marco was standing there. He was almost done, worked hard like it was no ones business, despite always appearing so damn calm. 

He didn’t look up when I walked towards the field. ‘Marco!’ 

Marco glanced my way, smiled and waved. 

‘Do you need help?’ 

‘I’m fine!’ 

I took a shovel that was standing against the wall anyway. 

He glanced up. ‘I thought you were hurting.’ 

‘I am.’ 

‘But?’ 

‘No way in hell I’m letting you do all of my work while I sit on my ass.’ 

Marco grinned, nodded, and started scooping again. I followed his movements in silence, mimicked his skilled ways. If I was going to stay here, I sure as well wasn’t going to depend on someone as nice as him all the time. The other farmers could stick it where it hurts, I’d do it for Marco.

It was a while back, when I saw the farm on a random site for working for your living expenses. I hadn’t expected to stumble onto something like this. I hadn’t been living with my parents for about two weeks, and all my friends were already getting sick of me sleeping at their places. Two weeks, that’s all it took for them to get sick of me. I looked up places with low rent, looked for a new job. Nothing worked out. The only result was that I got frustrated with my friends and frustrated with the city. Where everyone ran with their take-away coffee from one place to the next, taking all they had for granted. Like my friends did and like I had. 

I had been relying on my parents completely, without really noticing it. 

Working away seemed like a better plan. I was thinking about maybe a hostel, cleaning some rooms and sleeping there myself. But I landed on the farm. It was laying completely in nature, made all kinds of vegetables, held some animals, let people pick their own fruits in the summer, and more than anything needed more help. The farmhouse was big. Quite some of the people working also slept in the house. The old man, who had once done a big part of all the farming himself, had gotten hurt and things weren’t looking up from him. He kept the place running, did finance, and had Marco to help him out. Soon more people came. Ymir helped him on the land as well, being like a machine herself, and a girl named Historia helped him clean the house from time to time. 

Through that computer screen it had seemed like the softest place on earth. It had seemed like I’d be picking daisies all day. And I had to get away. I had to forget about my parents. 

I had been foolish. Kind off. It really was a beautiful place. I just wasn’t used to the work and taking things slow was not the way people did things around here. _ You’ll get used to it, _was what they said. They said that city people move too fast. 

‘Jean, can you lay the table?’ I was walking around the house in slippers, my messy sneakers near the door. Marco, freckled Jesus, had started cooking while I was washing my feet. Ratatouille. My mum used to make it all the time. It brought back memories I’d rather not think about. My mum truly loving me as a child. Not knowing what a fuck up I’d be. ‘Jean?’ 

‘Ah, yeah, I’ll lay the table.’ 

Five plates. Like a family, almost. I took the bread Historia had freshly baked. It smelled heavenly in the kitchen. Marco was humming along to some old music I didn’t know. 

The door opened loudly, Ymir walked in while sighing dramatically. ‘Fucking finally!’ 

Marco chuckled. Ymir threw with the door again, this time to close it, and then kicked out her heavy boots. Her entire pants were dirty. She walked up to Marco on her black socks and put an arm around him, to glance into the pan, probably. ‘Where’s Historia?’ 

‘I don’t know. She’ll eat though.’ 

Ymir grinned, then picked a random fork and took a bite from the ratatouille. ‘Nice. I missed her.’ 

‘You saw her this morning.’ 

‘I know. Don’t tell her I said that.’ 

Marco laughed like an easy breath, then closed the pan. Ymir walked upstairs with heavy steps, probably to get cleaned up a bit. 

She had completely ignored me. 

‘She’s in love with Historia.’ He told me, just to let me in on how this household worked. 

‘Why doesn’t that surprise me?’ I mumbled. 

He grinned. ‘Because Historia’s a beautiful girl?’ 

I snorted. ‘Yeah not really my type.’ 

He glanced my way, curious. ‘She isn’t? Then what kind of person do you like?’ He chose his words carefully, I noticed that. He didn’t ask what kind of girl I liked. He said _ person. _ Probably on purpose, I mean, it’s helpful Marco we’re talking about here. 

But I wasn’t making the same mistake twice. I’d keep it to myself. ‘I don’t really know.’ 

He probably saw right through me. I had so confidently said that Historia wasn’t my type. But Marco’s an angel, and he let it go. He let me be, turning around to put the ratatouille on the table. ‘I’ll call everyone down.. Save you from that today.’ Then, loudly, he yelled: ‘Guys, dinner is ready!’ 

Only to be answered with a chorus of complaints, and then footsteps. He grinned. I don’t know why, but he liked that. 

‘So _ city boy, _how you doing?’ Ymir pushed her fork into her mouth right after asking me. ‘Heard you didn’t manage today.’ 

‘Had a blister,’ Mister Wilson chuckled. 

‘Have you ever worked on the land before?’ Ymir asked. 

‘No.’ 

‘So you’re a real city boy.’ 

‘I know that. I’ve been saying that.’ I snapped. ‘No one said I needed to know anything before I came here!’ 

‘Common knowledge.’ 

Marco coughed softly. ‘We’ve all been there.’ Ymir stared at Marco, Marco smiled at me. Then he slowly mumbled: ‘Right, Historia?’ 

Who then smiled and nodded. Keeping Ymir’s mouth shut. 

I didn’t want Marco to have to deal with my problems, but that seemed all he’d been doing. 

‘Tomorrow morning,’ Marco started, ‘I’m going to have to pick up a few bags of chicken food. Would you like to come with me, Jean? I could use the extra hands.’ 

I glanced at Mr. Wilson. He was eating, a soft smile playing on his lips. Marco seemed to be allowed to do whatever. Ask whatever. Mr. Wilson seemed to know what Marco was up to or on about. 

I’d personally really like a drive with the only person who was actually decent. I would love to get away from Ymir calling me _ city boy _. 

‘Yeah.. sure.’ I slowly dipped the bread into the tomato juice and took a bite. Marco’s cooking was good, insanely good.

We left at eight the next morning. My head was hurting, I’d have to get used to these hours. When I came down from my room, Marco was already standing near the door with his coat on. He grinned at me, some of his freckles disappearing into his laughing wrinkles. The look made my heart leap. 

‘Good morning.’ 

I could feel how thick my face was. It was still so cold. ‘Morning.’ 

I took my unpractical leather jacket from the rack and walked towards the door. I glanced at my wasted sneakers next to the door, and wondered if my only spare pair would end up the same. My feet still hurt from yesterday, the band aids went down in the shower. 

‘Take this,’ Marco handed me two sandwiches. Then he turned around and walked towards the car. In the distance I could see Ymir working already. She glanced up at us, frowned, but didn’t wave. ‘Ymir hates me,’ I mumbled. 

‘We’ve seen people come and go.’ Marco mumbled as he sat down in the car, and then closed the door. I followed his example. ‘If you manage to get up a little earlier next time I’ll make you oatmeal.’ 

‘Thank you.’ 

‘You’re welcome.’ Marco started the car. Carefully he drove off our property, looking out for cats that hung around in the barn. ‘Ymir gives you a week. She thinks you’ll be gone in no time.’ I swallowed. She was probably right, even though I hated to admit it. I loved the nature here and I absolutely didn’t want to go home. But if she thought I’d break, she was probably right. ‘I think she’s wrong..’ Marco looked at me and smiled softly. ‘I think you’re different.’ 

I didn’t answer him. I didn’t know how to. Instead, I stared at the fields shooting by, the mountains in the distance. There was a thick fog right above the fields. It seemed as if there was a filter right on top of the view.   
Marco changed the music to some old ballets. He knew them, hummed along. He drove confident and calm in the heavy car. 

‘Have you worked here for a long time?’ 

Marco looked at me, as if he was surprised that I’d ask him a question. ‘ A little over two years now. I come from this village though. My parents used to have a farm and I’d help out there. But one day they decided that it wasn’t worth it anymore, sold the farm.’ 

‘And then?’ 

‘At first thought that it was the best thing that could have happened. I liked working on the farm, but I was a puber and I wanted time for myself too. After I finished school, though, I really started missing it. I kind of disliked most jobs I’d had because of that. I have known Mr. Wilson since I was a kid, so when I dropped that I missed helping out on a farm he had me working here after a few days.’

‘So your parents live close?’ 

‘Not that far. I go eat there from time to time. I also bring them fresh vegetables.’ 

‘Sounds nice.’ 

Marco took a sharp turn, concentrated on the road for a bit. ‘I take you and your parents don’t get along very well.’ 

I snorted jokingly. ‘You could say that.’ 

‘You don’t have to talk about it, unless you want that.’ 

‘I’d rather not.’ 

Marco nodded. ‘That’s fine.’ 

It wasn’t long until we got to place. Those minutes were calm and relaxing. I hadn’t felt at ease like that in forever, maybe not ever. But it was so easy to focus on the countryside, the music, Marco’s driving.   
Marco stopped the car next to an old building and stepped out of the car. I followed him. The owner of the shop walked outside and greeted Marco by his first name. Marco laughed and told him how Mr. Wilson was doing these days. He told the owner my name, said I was new to the work but didn’t mention that I came from a big city. We picked up the bags of food, which were heavy as hell. Marco told me how to hold them so that I wouldn’t drop them halfway to the car. The shop owner once took over my bag, looking worried about the way I was holding it. He said that it was fine and that I would get used to it. I thanked him, despite feeling ashamed. 

When the car was full we drank a cup of coffee with the shop owner. Marco chatted with him about people I didn’t know. I guess that’s life in a village. That coffee sure as hell tasted good. I didn’t know yet, that coffee offered by your neighbors after a hard day of work; coffee with Marco; coffee while sitting outside in the cold is the best kind of coffee. 

With all the bags in our car we drove on. Marco didn’t turn around but drove into the village. He had a happy look on his face, I was glad to see that. 

‘Where are we going?’ 

‘One more shop.’ 

It was around a little to ten. We still had an entire day. I didn’t ask him about it anymore. 

As soon as we drove into the village, people smiled and waved at Marco. You could obviously see he had grown up here. Eventually he stopped the car, parked it skillfully into a small spot and got out. 

He waited for me to follow him, and then he walked towards the center. It really wasn’t much. There were a few shops, nothing compared to where I used to live. Still there was so much life in these few shops. He walked into a shoe shop, boots and leather shoes in the shop window. ‘Marco?’ 

‘Yeah?’ 

‘What the fuck are we doing here?’ 

He just grinned at me and walked into the shop. I followed him silently. He knew what he was doing, walked toward the working shoes section and stood there for a bit. I followed his gaze. Most shoes looked really practical, some mainly heavy. 

‘What’s your size? They might not be your style..’ 

I liked the black and green one. It looked cool but practical at the same time. They were quite high, and didn’t seem as heavy. I told him my size and picked up the green and black shoes. I couldn’t help but frown at their sticker though. They were more than a hundred pounds. My other shoes hadn’t been cheap either but I didn’t have that kind of money. Not anymore. ‘Eh- Marco..’ 

‘What’s up?’ He took the shoe from my hands, walked towards the counter and told the clerk my shoe size. 

‘I can’t pay them.’ I whispered in slight panic. 

Seconds later the clerk came back with the right size. 

‘Put them on,’ Marco said. He brought the shoes my way. ‘I’ll get them. Think of all the hours I’ll spend relaxing if you can work longer,’ He joked. 

‘Damn, that really hurts.’ 

‘It’s an investment, Jean. They’ll last forever. I’m getting them for you. You can pay me back later if you really want to.’ 

Wilson’s farm, Wilson’s farm, how to describe something like this farm? It was calm. There were almost never any machines, no cars, nothing. Wilson himself was loud, very often bossing us around, and Ymir definitely was too. But the farm breath calmth like Marco did. 

On our way home Marco told me about Ymir. She had been an orphan, moving from one place to the next. Marco thinks that her obnoxious attitude is to protect herself. Especially since a lot of orphanages are white and Christian, and Ymir is a coloured lesbian. He told me not to take her complaints too seriously. She needed time to trust someone.

He said: _ she knows how you feel. _ I wondered, when he said that, if he knew what was up with me. If he had figured it out before I could even drop some hints. 

When we got to the farm I switched into my new shoes and my new thicker socks. Marco did the same, fetching some fruit for us to eat before starting. Marco didn’t have to ask Mr. Wilson what needed to be done. He knew himself. I just did as he told me. Got up, walked to the field where Ymir was working, and started helping. 

Ymir smirked. ‘Hey _ city boy _. I like your boots.’ 

‘Ah thanks.. Sorry for missing this morning-’ 

‘I knew what Marco was planning. Though it fucking pisses me off that you two went shopping while I worked. Glad you can walk now, though. Marco can be a stubborn piece of shit sometimes.’ She looked up at the sky, smiled softly, and wiped some sweat off her forehead.‘Can you get me the hose?’ 

Things got better quickly. On some days other young people would come help. I was quick to hit it off with a guy named Connie, who liked to joke around. Apparently him and his housemate Sasha got free vegetables if they helped one day a week, so that’s what they did. In the evenings I’d often join Marco on the veranda. He would almost always be reading a book, and I started sketching again. I had stopped drawing when my life had gotten stressful. I had forgotten how much I loved it.

I drew the flowers, I drew the fields, the house, a chicken, and Marco, Marco, Marco. It was so damn pieceful being next to him. Talking slowly every time one of us didn’t feel like doing what we had been doing. With Marco every subject was worth an interesting conversation. He wasn’t that hung up on prying into my old life, still we could talk for hours and hours. 

I started getting up to get Marco tea while he was reading and shit- that was different for me. I had never been like that. But the crickets and the stars did something to me. While my body was getting stronger, and my skin was getting rougher, I was somehow getting softer. 

Our rooms weren’t really big. Mine had a bed that was a little bigger than the usual single bed, a closet, a table to work at, and a reading chair. It was like a room for students. Only now I could walk outside and get lost in nature. Something that I liked doing more and more. The wifi was shit anyway. Every time I decided to do something on the internet, I gave up, frustrated and angry. Calling my own macbook a _ shitty fucking thing _even though it definetly wasn’t it’s fault. I stopped trying to use the internet as much. 

After Marco had seen me putting away my laptop in frustration, he came to sit next to me and said: ‘I’m going to the library this saturday.’ And so we went together. We browsed through the shelves. It was a quiet day. I glanced at Marco, couldn’t help but do so, and watched how he read the backs of books. When he found something he liked his brown eyes lit up a little. There would be an almost invisible smile dancing on his lips, and he looked beautiful like that. I didn’t realise then, that that was a look that he held for more than just books. It meant he was interested, that he was excited and that something made him tingle. Marco recommended a few books he had really loved, and we both took home four books. It had been a while since I read books without a teacher pressuring me, and I was excited about it. I was excited to read what Marco liked. I wanted to know more about him, I wanted to talk to him about the things he liked. My head was full of him. 

Luckily my body was working on the land. 

I would have been in the clouds if I hadn’t been forced to be on the ground. There was no place for that kind of shit here. I didn’t want to change everything because I was gay. Not again. I didn’t fucking want Marco to back away from me. 

So I kept my feet on the ground and worked. 

Dreamt at night. 

Read what he had. 

One day, Marco took my hand while I was working with the chicken and pulled me with him over the fields. ‘What’s up?’ I asked him, quite worried. 

He glanced over his shoulder and grinned. His short brown hair was a big mess in the wind. ‘Snack break.’ 

We walked over the fields, he didn’t let go of my hand. I don’t know if he noticed. His hands were rough, mine were more delicate but also a bit more sandy. He made my head spin. All kinds of questions raced through my head. 

Until we got to the field where our berries grew and he sat down in between blueberry trees. He petted the ground next to him. I sat down slowly. 

‘Is this why you sneaked me away?’ 

He nodded, picked a few blueberries off the nearest tree and put them in his mouth with a piece of chocolate. He picked another hand and, as if I couldn’t pick them myself, he put them in my hand. ‘I just want to make sure that you know all the sweet sides of this farm as well. It’s not just hard work.’ I watched his freckled move as he talked. My eyes traveled his ear, his nose, his eyes. He was beautiful. ‘Jean..’ 

‘Hm?’ 

‘You’re staring buddy.’ 

‘Oh. Sorry.’ 

He chuckled. ‘I don’t mind.’ He poured some tea. ‘I guess I’ll take it as a compliment.’ Because that’s just the way he was. It me nervous anyway. It made my heart leap. 

I ate some berries and closed my eyes. I couldn’t stare at him like that. I could still feel his warm presence. I hadn’t expected that to be enough, ever, but it was with him. The sun was shining softly. It wasn’t really a warm day, but a really nice one. The sun was bright and the wind cold. 

It felt terrible to want more from him than this.

‘Jean?’ 

‘Yeah.’ I kept my eyes closed. 

‘Will you go back to the city, eventually?’ 

‘Hm.. maybe. Probably. I can’t imagine being here forever.’ 

‘Why not?’ Marco touched my hand slightly. It was a nice touch. 

I moved my thumb so that I stroked his hand once. Thought of myself as quite the daredevil for doing so. ‘I don’t know. It just seems logical. I’m just a city boy.. It feels like-’ 

‘No one thinks that. You’re fit in really well here.’ 

I opened my eyes and picked some berries, put them into my mouth, swallowed. ‘It seems that way because of you..’ 

‘No. That’s not it.’ Marco took a sip of his tea, then let his shoulder fall against mine. He pulled some more blueberries off the tree and handed half of them to me. I tried to focus on the wind, on the birds, on his weight on my shoulder. Anxiety was rushing through me still. ‘Let me ask you a better question then, Jean..’ I nodded. ‘Are you happy?’ 

‘Right now? Or generally?’ 

‘Whichever is easier to answer.’ 

Marco didn’t move. He was warm against my side. He handed me the mug full of tea without looking at me. I took a sip. I felt so warm, inside and out. ‘Yeah..’ 

‘Which one?’ Marco asked, even though he probably knew I wouldn’t answer.

I stroked his finger one more time. Maybe to get my point across. To make a promise to myself. ‘Figure it out yourself.’ I wouldn’t leave without telling him how amazing I thought he was.

It was dark outside when we got the call. I was sitting on the veranda with Marco, quietly reading a book. He had made us hot chocolate and we were sitting on top of a pile of pillows. In the distance we could hear Historia laughing (almost yelling) about something Ymir had done or said. Maybe she was tickling her. It sounded like a whole lot of fun, and like Ymir was getting what she wanted. 

Their laughs made me feel the weight of the beautiful boy next to me. 

I tried my best, my very best not to look up at him. I knew damn well that the look I’d give him would give so much away. He made my chest tight. 

But he was reading, wouldn’t notice. 

I slowly looked up, only to see him staring right back at me. His eyes were big. For a second, I read in his eyes that maybe.. maybe there was a chance. ‘You’re staring.’ I mumbled. 

‘I know,’ he replied, confidently and shyly at the same time. 

‘Why?’ 

He smiled. ‘You’re just so-’ And that’s when the phone rang. Loudly, through the house. Mr. Wilson was already asleep, so a nervous drill went through us. Marco waited for Ymir to get out of her room, but that didn’t happen. So he jumped up, bit his lip, and walked towards the living room. I listened to his footsteps. His soft voice saying: ‘Marco speaking’ 

And then: ‘Yes this is the Wilson’s farm.’ 

And then, the worst thing: ‘Jean’s here with me. Right.. I’ll put him on.’ 

He slowly walked my way, too slowly for someone wanting to hand me a phone. He looked a little sad, but being Marco he managed to hide it quite well. I stood up. I wanted to ask him what was wrong but I’d have to take the phone. I didn’t want to. I just wanted to make sure Marco was alright. 

He’d done so much for me and he looked so- ‘Jean, it’s eh- your mum.’ He handed me the phone, looked into my eyes too shortly to let me figure out what was going on in his mind.

‘Hello?’ I mumbled into the phone. 

_ ‘Jean? Thank god it was so hard to reach you! I missed you so much sweety. _ My mum’s voice sounded through the phone. The sound made me feel safe and completely panicked at the same time. _ ‘I had to ask your friends, and I didn’t have their numbers. It was awful.’ _

I frowned. Where the hell did she think from saying this now. ‘I- I missed you too mum.’ 

_ ‘You must come back to the city! It must be awful there!’ _

‘Mum it’s- eh I might, alright?’ Marco looked at me, more intense this time. ‘It’s not that bad here.’ 

_ ‘This is your home, baby.’ _ Why was she calling me that? Why was she babying me now? The city hadn’t felt like my home in a long time. 

But Marco ripped his eyes away from me, then turned around to walk away. He left his hot chocolate on the table, his book next to the pillows. Suddenly I wasn’t so sure. I wasn’t so sure what was my home if I lost Marco’s eyes like that. 

Marco closed the door quietly.

Of course he fucking did.  
‘Mum.. I really like it here. I don’t feel at home after what you and dad said about- eh- about me.’ 

_ ‘That wasn’t about you! Darling don’t be dramatic. Dad doesn’t like queers, alright baby? But you’re no heel wearing queer, right?’ _

‘I’m gay.’ 

_ ‘Don’t be so stubborn.’ _

‘I’m not.’ 

I heard her sigh. _ ‘You’ll find the right girl. You had no right to fall out to us about something like that. We gave you everything, and we will. We want you home darling. You’ll come around, right?’ _

I closed my eyes. ‘You don’t get it.’ 

_ ‘You don’t get how much we have given you.’ _Her voice broke. Maybe she was crying. 

‘I like nature. I like working. I like fresh bread. It’s fine he-’ 

_ ‘You don’t mean that. It’s not worth-’ _

‘I’m in love.’ 

_ ‘What?’ _

‘You heard me. I’m in love, with a guy,’ I said. 

_ ‘Don’t be an idiot. What? Some farmer boy you’ve met there? Are you an idiot? Do you think they’ll accept y-’ _

‘I don’t know, but honestly, I feel more at home with him than with you.’ It was scary to say it like that. Really scary. ‘If you won’t accept a guy coming with me, I won’t come home.’ 

_ ‘Jean! Do you even hear yourse-’ _

‘Bye mum.’ 

‘_ Jean! _’ I hung up, stared at the phone for a while. I hadn’t felt as strong in a long time. I felt like I could raise the world. I felt like I could handle everything. 

I felt like I had finally grown up. 

But I’d have to take baby steps.

The first step was making Marco feel good. That would always be the first and most important step. 

I picked up his and my chocolate milk, opened the door with my feet, and walked towards his room. Walking to his room was like seeing the world anew. This was my house. The wooden furniture. The warm lights. The hushed voices of Ymir and Historia. Everything about the place was my home.

Even if Marco’s door was closed, something he usually only did when sleeping, this was where I was supposed to be. I knocked the door carefully, trying not to spill the chocolate milk. 

Marco didn’t open up. 

‘Marco? Are you sleeping?’ I asked. 

Nothing. 

‘Marco, I’m coming in alright?’ He couldn’t be sleeping. I’d seen him like ten minutes ago. So I opened the door with my elbow. He was sitting on his bed, a pillow on top of his lap. He was looking at the door, had expected me to come in. ‘Uh, Hi.’ I mumbled. 

He followed my steps with his eyes. His room was ice cold. He was wearing a big woolen sweater. ‘Hey..’ 

‘You- you forgot your hot chocolate. Probably not that hot anymore.’ 

He shook his head, a small smile on his face. ‘Probably.’ 

I handed the chocolate milk to him. He took it, said nothing. He was usually the one starting the conversation. He was the one always wanting to talk, wanting to show me why life was beautiful, wanting honestly. 

‘Eh- you- are you upset or what?’ I started.

He looked at me, then mumbled: ‘Figure it out yourself.’ Like I had done that afternoon. 

‘If I’ll tell you which one it was this afternoon, will you tell me yours?’ He nodded, smiled at my answer. At least I was doing something right. ‘I was happy this afternoon, because you were near me. When you’re not, I start to panic. I start doubting if this is where I’m supposed to be, I start to think that my parents were right about me, that everybody hates me.’ I lowered my head. I couldn’t look him into his eyes. I felt tear drops gather. ‘But I wasn’t just happy this afternoon. I’m happy when you take my mind off everything else. You get my mind right in the moment… and- fuck- the moment will always be good. I- Fuck-’ I looked up, having a hard time breathing, looking through my tears, but his eyes were teary aswell. He was smiling so fucking brightly and yet he was crying. 

‘C’m here.’ He mumbled. Finally. He was slowing me to get closer.

I sat down on his bed. 

He put his arms around me, hugged me softly. ‘Your parents are wrong. I don’t know how they’ve gotten in your head, I can only imagine. But you’re amazing.’ 

I closed my eyes tightly. ‘There you go again,’ I whispered. 

‘What?’ 

‘Making everything right again.’ 

He chuckled breathely. For a while he just held me. He held me so tightly. If I could have lived in any second, I’d have chosen this one, right then. That’s because I didn’t know what was coming for me. 

‘Your turn, freckles.’ I mumbled, my voice thick. 

‘I was upset.’ He mumbled into my neck. Then he pulled back. ‘I panicked. I thought you’d give in to your mum. You never told me exactly what happened with them, I mean I can guess but- when she said you missed her.. I just.. I panicked at the thought of you going back.’ 

I smiled shyly, fidgetted. He looked at my fingers. ‘You don’t need me here though,’ I whispered. 

‘I really, really want you here.’ 

‘I want to be here too.’ 

His eyes shot up. ‘Really?’ 

‘Really, Really.’ 

He grinned brightly. ‘Thank you, Jean.’ Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck it all. He was beautiful. My heart was exploding. He wanted me here. But he didn’t mean it the way I did. I had to calm myself. ‘Jean what’s wrong?’ 

‘Hm?’ Only now I realised I hadn’t smiled back at him. I had frowned at my hands. I had let my leaping heart, my panic, my sinking stomach take over. 

‘Are you okay?’, he asked again.

‘I- Eh-’ He just wants honesty. I didn’t need to be scared of him. For fuck’s sake, it was just Marco. Marco, who had always helped me. ‘I’m well.. I’m gay, Marco. That’s why my parents kicked me out.’ 

Marco stared at me. He looked surprised. 

‘I’m sorry,’ I mumbled, backed off a little. ‘If that makes it awkward.’ 

‘No!’ Marco pulled me back by my hands. ‘I’m just surprised.. Eh- because I already kind of knew? I mean.. I hadn’t asked but I just kind of assumed..’ 

‘Hah?’ 

Marco blushed bright red. ‘Well uh- you don’t get a thousand of causes like you. I just assumed you were kicked out because you were gay. I’m so sorry.’

‘No- That’s- eh-’ 

‘I thought you realised that I knew.’ 

I stared at him, completely in disbelieve. He was crazy. ‘How could I have known?’ 

‘F- uh- fuck- eh- That was the first time I had heard him curse. I made me excited. ‘F-flirting with you.. I guess? I guess I’m not that goo-’ That was it. That just fucking was all I could take. I goddamn threw myself at him. I grabbed him by his neck and pushed my lips on top of his. It wasn’t sweet of soft; it was completely reckless. Still he moved with me. He opened his mouth, held my cheek and roamed with his fingers through my hair. 

He felt so safe. He was so warm. 

I kissed him until I was out of breath. When we pulled back he stared at me like I held the answers of the world. He was beaming. 

‘Flirting with me huh?’ 

He blushed. ‘Shut up.’ 

‘I thought you were just really nice,’ I put my hand on his cheek, stared at his face. Finally I could stare without him wondering what the hell I was doing.

‘You’re a little cold,’ he whispered, putting his hand in mine and choosing to ignore me.

‘Watcha- hm- going to do about it?’ 

He smiled in such a fucking sexy way. My heart sank into my stomach. I- Really? Did he- But then he raised his blanket, smiled, and said: ‘Want to cuddle underneath the blanket?’ 

Fuck yeah I did. 

I grinned. ‘You’re a dork.’ 

‘And you’re gay.’ 

‘Yeah, and you seem ve-ry upset about it,’ I said rolling my eyes. 

He chuckled. ‘No.. I was just saying it aloud to make sure I wasn’t imagining things.’ 

‘You stupid idiot.’ I mumbled while pulled off my sweatpants, and then I got under the sheets with him. He was so, so fucking warm. The skin of his legs and arms, opposite to his hands, felt really soft. I stroked his leg with my foot. He hummed happily. ‘You like that?’, I asked him. 

He kissed the top of my head. 

I felt so bright. I was so damn bright. ‘I’m going to fight the sun,’ I whispered.

He laughed softly, but so worryless.‘Why?’ 

‘Just feel like I can.’ 

He stroked my hair. ‘You can do anything.. But I’d rather you don’t. I’ll need you tomorrow too.’ 

‘You do now?’ 

‘Hm.. Yeah..’ he whispered sexily. ‘I need you-’ he moaned, ‘to clean the chicken stall.’ 

I laughed, kissed his lips lightly. That was a thing I could just… you know.. do now. ‘Damn, talk dirty to me.’ 

‘Baby, I need you to fertilize the new plants with me.’ 

‘You called me baby,’ I whispered. 

He nodded. ‘Will you kiss me again?’ 

‘I don’t know.. Need to clean chicken shit fi-’ 

‘Oh my god! Jean, shut up just ki-’ and so I did. I kissed him as soft as I could. I wanted to go slow with him. I loved him. I wanted to fall asleep in his arms, nothing more than that. I wanted him to hold me. I wanted to wake up next to him, in his warmth. I wanted to eat breakfast like we always did. I pulled back. ‘Will Mr. Wilson get mad if I sleep here?’ 

Marco shook his head, happily. ‘Ymir and Historia do it all the time.’ 

‘I don’t know if that’s good to know.’ 

Marco chuckled. ‘Go to sleep, Jean.’ 

‘Call me something sweet again?’ 

‘Baby?’ 

‘Hm..’ 

‘Sweet dreams.’ He held me tightly, kissed my head and left his lips against my head while dozing away. I felt his breath against my ear. His legs were tangled with mine. 

‘Sleep tight, Marco.’ 

It was the warmest feeling I had ever had, waking up next to him. Like I had done with so many moments since I met him, I pinned this down as my favourite moment. I’d live in this moment forever if I had to choose one. Even if I didn’t; I just wished that the greater power would give me this moment for a bit longer. 

Marco’s chest against my back, his arm around my waist. He was breathing slowly, sighed and pulled me in a little closer. He was so calm. I dozed off again, just like that. I felt like waking up was something I would never want to do again. He stroked my belly unconsciously. Fireworks erupted inside of my stomach. 

And then the door slammed open. 

There was only one person I knew that could open doors like that, and she was standing right there in the opening. I felt Marco wake-up, quickly, holding onto me tighter instead of letting me go. Somehow that was nice to know. ‘You’re late for work! Wake the hell up.’ 

Marco chuckled breathily, held onto me a little tighter. ‘Sure, Ymir.’ I wouldn’t dare to talk to her like that, but Marco was so damn happy. 

‘I’m giving you all my chores.’ 

‘I can do it,’ Marco mumbled, he hugged me closer. ‘I can do anything.’ 

Ymir pulled a disgusted face. ‘I hate love.’ 

‘I’m telling Historia.’ 

‘At least I can wake up when Historia sleeps over. You idiots.’ 

Marco kissed my back softly, hid his face behind me. ‘Meet you in five, Kirschtein. You’re working with me today.’ And with that she walked off.

‘Oh shit.’ I mumbled. Marco was chuckling behind me. I pushed him away. ‘You’re terrible.’ 

‘I’m sorry for you.’ 

‘No you’re not.’ I pushed him down on the bed, sat on top of him. ‘You’re so rude. I can’t believe you.’ 

‘I’ll protect you from the big bad Ymir..’ 

‘Hmm.. kiss me. I’ll be able to take it then.’ 

‘She’s going to have your head.’ He grinned. ‘Anyway, you kiss me. You’re sitting on top of me.’ 

And so I did, I leaned in and kissed his lips softly. I caressed his hair, his earlobe. He was smiling softly. He was so damn happy and it made me feel so damn light. 

‘My _ city boy _..’ He whispered, placing small kisses on my cheek. 

‘Is this how you get when you’re in- in love because.. I don’t know if I-’ He kissed me again, right in the middle of my sentences. ‘-like it..’ 

‘Hm.. yeah?’ 

I climbed off him. He was beaming. ‘No. I’m going to get dressed bye.’ 

‘Bye, Jean..’ He waved sweetly, blushing a little. 

‘You’re not making me stay. You can’t.’ I walked towards the door. 

‘I’m not even trying.’ 

I pointed at him. ‘Shut up. You’re being cute. Stop that, right away.’ And with that I opened the door. ‘See you later.’ I mumbled. 

‘Wait!’ Marco stood up, walked to the door quickly, and gave me a kiss right in the door opening. A sweet soft one. Then he whispered: ‘See you later, Jean.’ 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. All that chicken shit was beautiful. Every tree was beautiful. Ymirs complaints were beautiful. Every single goat fart was beautiful. I couldn’t help but grinning. 

Ymir kicked me with her dirty boots. ‘What the fuck?’ I snapped. 

‘Your being so giddy it’s pissing me off.’ 

‘I’m doing my work, right?’ 

‘But you’re doing it with a smile, so it’s disgusting.’ 

‘Your cleaning goat shit and you think my smile is disgusting?’ 

Ymir grinned. ‘Definitely way worse.’ 

I sighed. ‘Fuck you.’ I started shoveling again. 

Ymir got the wheelbarrow and placed it closer to us. For a while she shoveled in silence. That was weird. Usually she would make some kind of noise. She didn’t even complain about the way I worked. She didn’t even watch me. ‘I’m glad you stayed. When I first started working here there was a guy that had become close friends with Marco… I don’t think they were into each other, but they were close. Anyway, a month later he was gone. I hadn’t thought it would effect Marco, but he hadn’t really tried to befriend any of the workers since.’ 

I looked at Ymir. Stood still. I didn’t know what to tell her. I was happy that he chose to trust me. I wished he hadn’t fallen in love with that guy that time. I wanted to be special. 

I knew I thought I was. I trusted that he did. 

‘Anyway-’ Ymir continued, ‘He surprised me when he stood up for you those first days. I thought you’d leave him the same.’ She finally looked up, stopped shoveling as well. Her eyes held mine, a little stern. I thought she was going to threaten me. Instead she said: ‘You’re a good guy, Kirschtein.’ 

With an awkward silence between us we went on working. Around four it started raining awfully hard. Ymir dropped what she was holding and walked away. I chuckled. We had gotten a shitload of work done together. I silently followed behind her towards the house, getting drenched on the way to the porch. When we came in Historia was already holding a towel. I hadn’t realised how soft Historia was for Ymir, but when she put the towel on top of Ymir’s head and dried her hair softly I finally got it. Watching them secretly, I pulled my shoes off. Ymir leaned into Historia’s touch sweetly. 

They warmed my heart. They made me jealous. I thought of love and like that I thought of Marco.

My marco, if he wanted to be just that. 

Ymir grinned at her lover. She wrinkled her lose at the soft touches. Some people are bad at being soft and they’ll learn they’re own way, I learned. 

‘Jean, baby, you’re staring.’ I looked up, my hand still on my dirty shoe. Marco was standing next to me, his hair wet and sweatsuit warmly on his body. He looked cozy. 

I was so distracted by beautiful freckles that I didn’t see him holding out one of his red towels. My stomach turned warm, it slowly moved up to my face, probably making me awfully red. 

I took the towel from his hands, the touch of our fingers tingling through my hand. ‘You should pull on some sweats,’ Marco mumbled. ‘And I’ll make you guys some soup.’

‘You’re so fucking..’ 

‘So fucking what?’ 

The wind hit the window loudly. The rain was like a blanket on top of the world. Marco didn’t mind the rain, he was just staring at me. ‘Just so fucking good. I can’t believe you.’

Marco stared at me like I was crazy, for a few seconds, until he bust out in giggles. ‘You’re so weird and so, so sweet.’ 

‘Shut up. Idiot.’ Marco kissed my head softly, and then turned towards the kitchen. ‘Can I help? With the soup.’ 

Marco took out a pan and looked at me while doing so. ‘Oh..’ he mumbled, surprised. ‘You can cut some of the vegetables, if you want. Start with the courgette.’ 

I nodded and took the knife he was holding out to me. Marco in the kitchen really was something else. Something so calm, as if he was meditating at the same time. 

‘Marco!’ Ymir called out. ‘You never let _ us _in the kitchen!’ 

Marco chuckled lightly, cut a big union. ‘I let Historia in the kitchen. But there’s no way I’m letting you near a knife,’ he joked. I looked at the way I was awkwardly holding my knife. Like I had never helped out in a kitchen (which I hadn’t).

‘Yeah, like Jean’s better! You’re just letting him help because you like him.’ I blushed bright red, almost cut my finger. Historia rolled her eyes. I was guessing this had happened before. Marco didn’t seem faced, he had just put the first unions into a pan. Ymir perked up again: ‘So you two boyfriends yet?’ 

The rain ticked against the window loudly. 

My fingers were suddenly burning from the room’s warmth. 

Marco was too far away, too far. Maybe he didn’t want to be my boyfriend. 

Marco. Raindrops. Marco. Marco. Marco 

‘Why don’t you give us time to-’ 

‘I want that.’ Shit. Fuck. Shit. ‘Shit- I mean.. No actually that’s what I mean. But if you don’t want that yet that’s totally-’ 

Marco laughed, pecked my lips right in the middle of my sentence. ‘Of course I d-’ 

‘Alright!’ Ymir yelled. ‘It’s settled then! I pronounce you boyfriend and boy-’ Then Historia, the angel, slammed Ymir in her stomach. Ymir flinched, complained, earned a sweet kiss from Historia, and then got dragged away. ‘Leave them alone,’ Historia whispered. 

Thunder struck the ground somewhere near our house. Neither of us were shaken by it. It was a perfect storm. Marco walked up to me and cuddled me from behind, getting his warm face against my cold hair. The pan was sizzling on the background softly. ‘You haven’t cut any of the vegetables.’ 

‘Eh- oh- I was distracted.’ 

‘You’re beautiful,’ he said, without missing a beat. 

‘You’re gorgeous,’ I replied, even though I knew it wasn’t a battle and I knew that he would never take the offer to keep on going. ‘Thank you.’ 

Marco took the vegetables from my hand. He cut them fast and skillfully. He seemed to have a certain form he wanted to give them too. It made me a little glad I didn’t get to do it for him. ‘Are you sure you want to do the thing?’ 

‘The.. thing?’ 

He nodded. ‘The dating thing.’ 

Oh. Oh. That’s what he was on about. 

‘Of course I want that. I haven’t wanted anything this bad since I can remember.’

  


One morning, Marco took me to the spot where we had gotten bags of food, that first week. New bags of food, I knew what to do. Only, I hadn’t been there since that first day and it brought back memories. Memories of Marco leaning in just enough, opening my door just enough for him to get in. He had been so careful with me. We had been so fucking slow. 

Marco was a lover during breaks, a worker during work. He had found an amazing balance in our relationship, and I was happier for it. It meant that I couldn’t go wrong either. He knew the people around here. He knew how they’d react, what they liked and didn’t like. 

We had oatmeal, drank our coffee together, sat talking softly, and left at precisely eight. Marco drove, and despite getting used to Marco’s driving style, I still thought it was the sexiest thing in the world. His calmth was. The way he made people trust him was. The music he hummed along with was. I was just fucking glad that this was the guy who wanted to hold me. Someone so.. not reckless. Completely different from me. 

But he had liked my recklessness the way I liked everything about him. 

When we got to the shop (or barn) Marco touched my hand before walking out of our truck. 

‘Goodmorning!’, he called to the owner, who was having a smoke while hanging against the wall. It was cold as fuck. Marco and I had both wrapped ourselves in two sweaters and a thick coat. Marco had given me one of his old coats, saying that my leather jacket was sexy and should be saved for better occasions. 

‘Morning Marco!’ The man called back. Then he looked at me, smiled and said: ‘Hey, you’re the new guy.’ 

I chuckled. ‘Not so new anymore.’ 

The owner nodded excitedly. ‘That’s right, been quite a while. Time sometimes just seems to disappear here.’ I got that. That was so, so true, in the best way possible. ‘So you held it out with Wilson.’ 

‘Easy peasy,’ I answered. 

The owner laughed at that and started walking to the barn where the bags were laying. We followed behind him, got all the bags, moved quickly. Marco handed me the first two bags, I walked towards the car. Marco following behind me. In no time we had loaded every single bag into the car. It really made me realise how slow we had been the last time. 

‘No help needed this time!’ The owner yelled while laughing. Marco laughed with him at the harmless teasing. 

‘Well if you really want to take it from me, I wouldn’t complain.’ Marco bumped into me, laughing. The owner shook his head, mumbled something about getting us some coffee and walked inside. When we were finished we walked inside too. Two cups of coffee were standing on the table. Marco and I pulled off our gloves. The owner got some cookies his wife had made, and started talking about her friends, then about some of the townspeople. We talked a bit about Connie and Sasha, who had gotten a new car. We talked a bit about our neighbor, who’d maybe start living with her family because she was getting too old. Marco decided to bring her some fruit. We talked about people I knew a little as well. That felt weird. They knew me too. Would talk about me if I would get a new car. That felt.. fine. 

When we finished our coffee the owner walked us out. I got the feeling he just really liked our presence. After we said our goodbyes, Marco took my hand and walked to the car. He held my hand tightly, sweetly, and only let go of it when I had to get to the other door. 

The owner waved happily. ‘Marco..’ 

Marco waved back at the owner, then started the car. 

‘Marco.’ 

Marco turned the car, got it on the road again. He had a soft smile playing on his lips.

‘Why the fuck did you take my hand?’ 

Marco drove into a small forest lane, stopped the car there. ‘Because I’m in love with you.’ He was still smiling. I couldn’t help but think he was crazy.

‘In front of someone else, I mean.’ 

‘Jean..’ Marco whispered. He leaned my way, kissed my lips softly. ‘Baby.. for a city boy you’re pretty close minded.’ 

Maybe that was true. Maybe that was it. 

‘No one will care.. Baby. If they do, they have to get through me.’ Marco grinned, thinking of something. ‘Not just me, actually. They’ll have to get through Mr. Wilson, Ymir and Historia too. I guess that’s scarier. But the point is-’ I fucking launched myself at him and kissed him. I believed him. Fuck, I believed they’d always be there. 

Marco laughed into the kiss, let me strangle him with my arms, choke him with heavy kisses, and smiled into it. ‘Jean,’ he chuckled, ‘want to get out of these seats for a bit.’ 

I nodded, got out of the car and walked to the back. Marco climbed into the back of the truck and I followed him. I laid him down, kissed him heavily. Marco laughed. 

‘You’re so.. you.’ 

‘Worried and reckless at the same time?’

‘Hm..’ Marco pulled me in for a kiss, grinding his body against mine. He had a hard on. I couldn’t help but grind against it another time. 

‘You like that?’ I whispered. 

‘I love you.’ 

I went still. Touched his belly softly. That was scary. That was all I wanted. 

‘Don’t ever leave,’ Marco whispered.

I pulled his shirt up, opened the buttons of his Jeans. ‘I won’t fucking leave.’ I kissed him. ‘And I love you too, you idiot.’ 

He pushed my pants down. ‘Be sweet.’ 

‘Na-ah! Fuck.’ He pulled my dick teasingly. ‘Asshole.’ 

He chuckled. ‘You don’t mean that- Ah fuck.’ I did the same back to him. He closed his eyes. ‘Do that again.’ And so I did. I clumsily touched his penis. He was big and warm in my hand. It made my entire body heat up. I leaned down and kissed the tip of his dick softly. He moaned. 

‘Shut up. We’re outside.’ I mumbled, his penis against my lips. 

‘In the middle of no where.’ 

I didn’t want to fight him bout it, I just wanted him. I ignored the scenery, the bags of fucking food we were laying inbetween, the fact that our truck wasn’t that deep into the forrest. I put my lips around him and started sucking, clumsily pulling my own dick. Marco cried out softly, grabbing my hair. 

‘J-Jean..’ 

I caressed his hip, this tight, his balls. Carefully, I looked up. Marco was staring at me, wide eyed. He looked so fucking hungry. I felt a shiver run down my spine. He was gorgeous. 

He pulled my hair, pushed me back into him. His dick hitting the back of my throat. I coughed slightly. ‘M’sorry, just so close.’ 

That was enough for me. I sucked him as hard as I could, took the hand I was touching my own dick with and put it around his cock. I pulled and sucked at the same time, he cried out. He cursed. It made me excited that I could make him. ‘Fuck- I’m, I’m-’ I kept on sucking him, kept my lips around his dick. He came into my mouth with a cry. I came seconds after, with his cum on my face. That was enough to make me go crazy. 

I swallowed, mumbled a quick: ‘fuck.’ 

Marco was grinning. He looked so damn satisfied. ‘I can’t believe us.’ 

‘You’re not the one who came against the fucking-’ 

‘Oh my god, shut up, we’ll clean it.’ 

He laughed. He laughed so fucking beautifully, I was so in love with him. I’d be in love with him. He was my everything. 

I kissed him roughly, intensely. 

‘Oh- wow.’ He whispered when I pulled back.

‘I love you.’ I said. ‘You’re everything to me.’ 

Marco blushed. I hadn’t seen him blush that often, but now he got a little shy. ‘I love you too, baby.’ 

‘You make me happy.’ 

Marco put his forehead against mine. ‘I’m so glad. You make me happy too.’ 

‘And now.’ I pulled my pants up, backed off. ‘I’m going to clean this up.’ 

Marco laughed happily. ‘Good idea.’ 

‘Jean, M’boy.’ Mr. Wilson walked up to me, a warm cup of coffee in his hands. ‘Can you close the gate when you leave? I don’t think I’ll be going outside later today.’ 

I stared at him. ‘I don’t think I’m leaving? But I’ll close it.’ 

‘Marco told me you two were.’ 

‘What? I’ll go ask him.’ 

‘You do that. Marco is usually pretty stipt.’ 

‘He is. Thanks. I’ll ask him.’ 

I turned around and walked outside to find Marco. I found him petting some a goat. The sight made me light. What a fucking sweetheart. He seemed to be talking to them as well. Can’t say that I never did that. 

‘Marco!’ I jogged his way. Marco waved. ‘You having a good conversation with Betsy?’ 

He rolled his eyes. ‘You know her name isn’t Betsy.’ 

‘Didn’t mean to offend your girlfriend,’ I said, grinning. 

‘I only like handsome city boys.’ 

I chuckled, moved closer to him and kissed him softly. ‘Really now? Like me?’ 

‘Hm, I don’t know if you’re handsome.’ 

‘Yet here you are, kissing me.’ 

‘Jup..’ 

I pulled back a little, held his hand. ‘So, Mr. Wilson said we’re leaving later. I didn’t know that. Where are we going?’ 

‘Oh-’ Marco looked at me. 

‘Or, are you going alone? That’s fine, but Mr. Wilson just said-’ 

‘No. I just wanted to surprise you a little more. Tell you to put on a nice shirt and leave.’ 

‘So it’s a date?’ 

‘Kind of?’ 

I looked at him sternly. ‘What is it?’ 

‘If you know you’ll get nervous.’ 

‘You don’t know that. You want to push me into a wasp nest then?’ 

‘What even is that metaphor? Of course I don’t.’ 

‘So tell me sweetstuff. I won’t get anxious.’ 

Marco took both my hands, looked down at them. ‘It’s- It’s my mother’s birthday. I want you to come with me, meet some of my family.’ 

‘Oh.’ A nervous wave washed over me. ‘Eh- that- shit- you should have told me.’ 

‘You’re nervous.’ 

‘I might be?’ 

‘See?’, he chuckled. 

‘I don’t- I- what if they hate me?’ 

Marco laughed. ‘Quite certain that that’s impossible.’ 

‘You’ll be surprised by how many people-’ 

‘Shut up, Jean. Don’t put yourself down like that.’ He leaned in, snuggled his nose against mine. ‘Do you remember what I told you this morning?’ 

‘Don’t cum on trucks.’ 

He laughed. ‘Be serious, okay?’ 

‘That you love me.’ 

‘Hm, exactly. What else?’ 

‘That.. that I’m close minded for a city boy.’ 

‘Yeah. That’s it,’ he whispered. ‘That’s not on you. That’s all on your family. They’ve hurt you, and they’ve broken your trust. But my family isn’t like that, they’ll love you.’ 

I bit my lip. I could feel that my face was starting to heat up. I couldn’t find my voice. 

I didn’t have to. Marco spoke up: ‘We’ll be okay. I promise.’ 

That was it. The tears slowly fell from my eyes. I tried to wipe them away, with the back of my hand, like a child. Marco was smiling softly at me, like he did so often, and kissed the top of my head from time to time. 

‘You’re okay, baby. You’re home.’ 

Now practical clothes hadn’t been my thing when I first came here. So when I pulled on my old clothes I felt so overdressed right away. Which was fine, right? It was a birthday. I pulled on a black turtleneck, a suit pants, and a nice belt. I still had my clean black sneakers, so I got those, and I was fine for a party. I made the look a little less dull my putting on my white socks with little birds on them. Something a bit more playful. 

When Marco walked down to get me, I was still glancing at myself into the mirror. 

I really wanted these people to like me. 

I looked a little stuck up. I looked like I hadn’t worked a day in my life. I looked like the old me, spoiled. 

‘Jean, are you rea-’ Marco opened the door, fell still. He was wearing a black jeans and a red woolen sweater. He looked cosy, beautifully so. I didn’t get to see him in nice clothes like that, that often. ‘You- you dressed up,’ he mumbled. 

‘You did too.’ 

‘Hm, yeah.’ He was staring at me, wide eyed. He made me fucking nervous. Did it look bad?

‘Is it too much?’ 

‘You look nice.’ 

‘But stuck up.’ 

‘No.. Just nice. I think no one will look this.. eh.. fashionable though.’ 

‘You did not just call me fashionable.’ I glanced at the mirror again. ‘I look fucking spoiled.’ 

Marco walked my way slowly, took my hand, turned it upside down. He caressed the inside of my hand. ‘Jean.. we can see that you’re not spoiled. Clothes don’t make the man.’ He kissed my finger tips. ‘It’s the hands.’ 

I smiled at him. ‘What about the heart? Personality?’ 

‘Nah, not those.’ 

‘You’re a fucking idiot,’ I laughed. He took my hand and pulled me with him. We got Mr. Wilson’s car. It felt weird to sit in the truck with our neat clothes on. When Marco speed shifted, he took a second to put his hand on my lap right after. I’d touch his fingers, his brown, nice fingers. 

Marco’s house was in the village. It was a small house completely surrounded by a garden full of flowers. In front of the house there was a small green table with two chairs. I imagined Marco’s parents having their coffee there in the morning. I imagined Marco and I having coffee just like that, in our own house. 

‘You ready?’ 

‘As much as I’ll ever be.’ 

Marco took my hand. ‘They’ll be intense, but nice.’ 

I nodded. I wished we were at home kissing each other. Still, meeting someone’s family was really something. I’d never been brought home by any of my boyfriends. I’d met parents, but none of them introduced me as their lover. Now the first time it happened it was with Marco. Marco not giving a single fuck. Marco trusting the world and his family. It would always be Marco. 

He didn’t fucking knock the door. He just got out his key and walked in. At first we came into the hallway. Marco took off my coat, like a real gentleman, and whispered: ‘I love you.’ When he had said every word, was sure I had heard them, he walked into the living room. ‘Happy birthday to mum! Happy birthday to-’ 

‘Marco, baby!’ His mother called excitedly. ‘Did I hear someone else come in with you?’ 

Marco held his hand out to me. ‘Hm, yeah,’ he said while pulling me through the door, into the living room. There weren’t a lot of people. Maybe ten. A few close friends, maybe his mother’s sister of brother. I’d survive. ‘This is Jean.’ 

‘Hello!’ His mum walked up to me, shook my hand. ‘I’m Anja.’ 

‘Happy Birthday,’ I mumbled nervously. 

‘You two work together?’ 

I swallowed. ‘Yeah, we do. At the farm. 

‘He’s my boyfriend,’ Marco said, slipping his arm around my hip and holding on to me. 

His mum looked surprised for a second, then she smiled: ‘Like, your partner?’ 

‘Yeah.’

She took my hand again, only now tighter, not just to shake it. ‘Welcome, sweetheart. I’m happy that you finally came here.’ She turned around and walked into the living room. Marco pushed me softly to follow her. ‘Rob, darling, this is Marco’s boyfriend. Jean.’ 

‘I see.’ His dad stood up and walked my way.

I extended my hand. “I- Nice to meet you.’

‘I’m Rob.’ He smiled. ‘Nice to meet you too. Marco told us that he had fallen in love, you know, but he didn’t say you’d be coming.’ I heard Marco chuckle behind me. ‘Or what kind of person you’d be.’ 

‘Must be quite a surprise,’ I said hesitantly. 

‘Not really. He seems really happy.’ I heard Marco mumble a soft ‘I am..’ behind me. He made blood rush to my cheeks. Marco was still holding onto me. ‘Takes a little more to surprise us.’ 

Marco laughed slightly. ‘Well Jean’s from the city.. He’s easily shocked’ 

‘Shut up,’ I chuckled. 

Marco’s father laughed as well. ‘Now that’s a surprise! People don’t often move here from the city.’ 

Marco put his other arm around me as well. ‘He had to do something to find a nice boyfriend.’ 

‘You’re terrible.’ 

But Marco’s dad couldn’t stop laughing, which was great. 

Anja got us both a slice of cake in the meantime. ‘That’s quite the confidence,’ She laughed. ‘Let us know if he ever becomes too much, Jean, you can come live with us!’ 

‘Mum!’ 

‘What?’ 

I completely ignored Marco. ‘Thank you Anja, but Mr. Wilson needs me on the farm.’ 

Marco pulled me even closer, hid his face in my neck. ‘I thought you liked me!’ 

I kissed the top of his head. ‘Don’t worry, I like you even more than fertilizing.’ His family laughed brightly at that. They reminded me off Marco. They were warm. His mother put her hand on Marco’s shoulder in pity, even though her face was showing nothing but a big grin. 

Marco looked up dramatically. ‘A real comfort, _ city boy.’ _

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at his teasing. I wanted to kiss him so bad, but his parents were laughing beside us. I held it in. 

Marco wasn’t as good at that. 

He kissed the side of my lips sweetly, a smile on his lips.

‘Marco, you have a room for that kind of stuff!’ His mum said, laughing loudly. 

‘Sorry,’ Marco mumbled, even though he definitely wasn’t. At all. 

I couldn’t help but wish I’d be in this moment forever, like I would do every day from that day on. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked that! Please leave a comment!


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